[Fake Marketing News] Domino’s Clever Marketing Democratizes Craptacular Pizza…And Now Salads

Domino’s Pizza is continuing to extend its “Oh Yes We Did” mixed media campaign as it gears up for prime pizza-selling months with the onset of football season.

The latest spots feature a $7.99 pizza deal now being offered on weekends, a modification of the offer that previously was in effect only for slower weekdays.

“We realized that it wasn’t fair to offer soulless and uninspired pies only during the work week,” noted Domino’s Sr. VP of Crap Pizza Initiatives Jane Pasco. “The American consumer deserves institutional food during their weekend too and we felt the TV campaign needed to convey the strategy that, even in a light-hearted way, we are serious about bringing unconscionable pizza to the masses seven days a week.”

The “Oh Yes We Did” campaign had first rolled out to show a new Domino’s that would no longer employ promotional tactics a third grader would find base and demeaning. However, the $7.99 weekday only offer was actually conceived after the “reformed sinner” effort was underway. Asked if Domino’s had intentionally relapsed into childish games mode only to play the hero by reversing their own course of action, Pasco noted the strategy was deliberate. “We’ve long insulted both the taste buds and intelligence of the American people. So sure, we thought this was a clever way to earn goodwill by correcting our own fabricated mistake. We weave a tangled web here in Michigan. That’s why we still insist of only granting the price if our busy customers remember to deliberately ask for the special price.”

Pasco noted that the recent menu expansion of salads was executed as a natural extension of the brand evolution. “Our new line of salads is made with the same blatant disregard for ingredient integrity as our pizzas have now been for decades. We are incredibly proud of having made absolutely no effort to push the epicurean envelope and can guarantee salads that are unremarkable from start to finish.”